Spiritual Circumcision

In complete honesty I have been struggling with some heavy sin. I am also learning to face the consequences of my actions. Sin is such a putrid thing!!! It takes everything pure and holy in your life and twists it up, disfiguring it so that what was once good is unrecognizable and feelings of heavy regret overwhelm your soul. You find yourself crying in bed like King David soaking your pillows with tears. I feel like once I thought I have finally learned my lesson, I fail AGAIN! How can I let sin have this much power over me? Where I willfully choose it? Oh how it grieves my soul, but I can only imagine what it does to the heart of my maker.

Isn't it funny how sometimes when you are dealing with some deep life issues it seems everything in chapel, or church sermons are pointed directly at you. Even the worship seems to just slam-dunk your heart.

Yesterday we had a visiting chapel speaker who spoke about circumcision.
Naturally there was snickers, and giggling, especially by us ladies when the subject of the male genitalia came up.

The speaker spoke about what it means to have your heart circumcised to God. Deuteronomy 10:16 says, "Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer." In short it means to have your heart's will cut off so that Christ's will can reign, that you are humbled by "loosening your neck" so that Christ can direct us like the mules that we are:) Oh how humbling it is to feel the weight of our humanity.

I cannot tell you how gracious the Lord is to me. I cannot believe he loves me the amount that he does. Even when I promise him I won't do something again and then do, he STILL welcomes me home to a feast! OH HOW HE LOVES US!

My prayer the past two days has been,
"Lord circumcise my heart of my will so that your's might reign. Be the object of my affection, my relentless pursuit. Teach me to RUTHLESSLY trust you with my Isaacs, and believe in your promises and blessings."

I don't like sin, I don't want it in my life. I want it purged. I want to be white as snow. I want to be made new today. And I get to live with the hope that this will come to fulfillment.

Praise you Father!