Today was a glorious day!

However it didn't start out that way. The rest of the team was supposed to go on a field trip today and I was going to stay back at our compound to work on some online exams. However, fifteen minutes after they left they came walking back in the door saying "we got to our field trip and found out it was cancelled, so we are having class in 30 minutes."

Instantly my attitude was just extremely negative. I had my day figured out, I was going to catch up on work and now we were going to have class and a activity in the afternoon. I am not good at hiding how I'm feeling, the emotion just seems to wear itself on my face, in the furrow of my forehead, in the glare of my eyes, I'm my mother's daughter:)

So I went to class, tried positive self talk for a while, but the negativity stuck with me for the most part. We ate lunch and took a quick trip to the market for a couple items in town. When we got back we got ready for a trip to the village that is set just behind our compound. I wasn't looking forward to this because of the numerous things on my to do list, but I had wanted to visit that village for a while because of the kids that go to our church who live out there.

As we walked across the land between our home and theirs we began to hear squeels and laughter. Children were excited! They ran into the girls arms infront of me and instantly befriended us. A little girl named Ivy let me hold her and carry her for a while before I jumped into a riveting game of soccer.

In the middle of our soccer game I saw a little boy pushing a metal rim, from a car or motorcycle, rolling it in the middle of the game. One of the older boys scooted the boy off the field and showed him where he could play. I decided I was going to make friends with him. So I took the medal rim and rolled it to the boy, who without a smile or comment picked it up and rolled it back to me. We probably played this game for 30 or 45 minutes, and during this time I couldn't help but think back to the one child I bonded with the most in Kenya 6 years ago, his name was Mato, but that is another story.

After a while Prof. Lovett asked us if we'd like to go further into the village. I put my arms down to the small boy and asked if he wanted to come with me. Whether he understood me or not I'm not sure, however I picked him up and he held onto me if I tried to put him down so I assumed that meant he wanted to go with me. His clothes were dirty, his nose runny, I had to use his shirt to wipe some of the mucous away. As we stood and talked to some of the villagers he started to lean his head on my shoulder and before long had become dead weight in my arms, sleeping like a rock. Oh there is no greater feeling than to hold a small life in my hands that is trusting me that I will take care of them and love them. I savored those moments with the precious child up until it was time I had to give him back to his family.

I forgot about my bad attitude at the end of it. I had the time of my life rolling an old motorcycle rim with a boy who wouldn't talk or smile and fell asleep in my arms. I hope I can hold more of those babies and pray that someday they will know the face of our savior.

Thank you Jesus for that precious boys life, please protect him and use him for your kingdom in a mighty way, Amen.

Today at Muchipapa Pilgrim Wesleyan Church a choir of woman rose and sang for the congregation. It was powerful! Throughout the whole song woman in the congregation sitting down cheered in their Zambian way, "AY AY AY AY AY!!!" I kept thinking what awesome woman of the Lord! I want to be more like them.

My friend on my team sent this prayer to me in an email. I love the picture this prayer paints and I am praying this for the woman in my life, on my team and myself.

"Dear God,

Please make us dangerous women.

May we be women who acknowledge our power to change, and grow, and be radically alive for God.

May we be healers of wounds and righters of wrongs.

May we weep with those who weep and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

May we cherish children, embrace the elderly, and empower the poor.

May we pray deeply and teach wisely.

May we be strong and gentle leaders.

May we sing songs of joy and talk down fear.

May we never hesitate to let passion push us, conviction compel us, and righteous anger energize us.

May we strike fear into all that is unjust and evil in the world.

May we dismantle abusive systems and silence lies with truth.

May we shine like stars in a darkened generation.
May we overflow with goodness in the name of God and by the power of Jesus.

And in that name and by that power, may we change the world.

Dear God, please make us dangerous women.

Amen."

I am meditating on the story in John 5:1-9 about the lame man by the pool. Whenever I read this story I want to cry because it is such a remarkably touching story of faith and endurance.

"Afterward Jesus returned to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish holy days. Inside the city, near the Sheep gate, was the pool of Bethesd, with five covered porches. Crowds of sick people - blind, lame, or paralyzed - lay on the porches. One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty- eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew how long he had been ill, he asked him, 'Would you like to get well?' 'I can't sir,' the sick man said, 'for I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred up. While I am trying to get there, someone elses always gets in ahead of me.' Jesus told him, 'Stand up, pick up your sleeping mat, and walk!' Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up the mat and began walking!"

I know that I have struggled with self-hatred, doubt, and fear, for a long time and I can see the affects of how it has crippled my soul disguising how it truly should be. I want my inner self to shine as it should be for my original design, the one ment for Eden, to radiate with life. I can't remember not struggling with this and it just makes me wonder, "Lord when will this end? Can you please free me?" But, I am encouraged by this lame man. He didn't give up, after 38 YEARS! This man still desired his original design! It has been many years for me too, but I hope that everyday Christ will find me at the well waiting for his touch. I don't plan on giving up, though there are days I feel completely defeated.

Where are you crippled? May you lay it at the “pool” trust he will bring healing…..in time, but when he does, it will be instant! Praise God!

September 17, 2009

Today I woke up at 7am. I made my way off the top bunk and was greeted by Haley. “Estie, we killed a black momba!” I don’t know what a black momba is, but I think it’s bad from the way it sounds. “It’s super poisonous, if you get bit you’ll die in 7 minutes!” She explained. That’s pleasant news to wake up to. This entire past week we have been educated on the dangerous things around us, and now I just learned that we are sharing quarters with one of the deadliest snakes. Well, I’ve made it a week; I hope I make it until November 23rd.

I learned one of the girls on my team had slid on a rug and landed directly next to the snake that could have taken her life in a second, especially since it was a baby black momba and apparently they dispense all their poison upon biting.

Fortunately the missionary who lives on site was there and killed it by throwing a rug on the snake followed by a rock and her stomping body. We now call her the “Snake Warrior.”

I began to reflect on everything that I hope to return home to and how awful it would be to not to see my loved ones again. It has been a week and I already miss Brian terribly and cannot imagine what the next nine weeks of distance will do to me.

We have no anti-venom if one of us were to get bit. And apparently there are many black mambas in our area.
Today for class we focused a lot on our schedule and then debriefed the snake incident. Prof. Leslie shared some difficult stories from her experience as a former missionary to Africa and how she had seen many Africans die from snake bites. I felt so fearful. A few of us girls started crying and then we decided we should pray for safety. It was good to commit ourselves into the Lord’s hands again, however it is a constant process for me. I am scared, I want to live a long life, have lots of babies, and be a wife, etc.

Please pray for our safety.

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” – Luke 10:19

Estie

Zambia

I am in the beautiful country of Zambia!

It is a lot of fun and I am excited to share this experience with 15 other students who love the Lord and are just as excited as me for this opportunity.

The first couple days of orientation and first day here has been an information overload for sure, however information we all need to know and be aware of. I found out when we got here that we were not allowed to wear tanktops, which is unfortunate, as that is a major part of my wardrobe.

I miss my family and Brian so much already, but I know distance makes the heart grow fonder:)

Love to all of you!

Estie